Minnesota - Killing Me Softly

I've started this blog post at least half-a-dozen times in the last few minutes. My current location has me feeling like one cranky bitch. I'm cold. Cabin crazy. House bound. Hungry. Bored. Light deprived. Lonely. Usually, I hit this point around February. Discontent arrived early this year.

Where am I? I live in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota.

My family and I have lived here 10 years now. We've given this place and these people a decade of our lives. We're still treated like outsiders by the natives. We've lost more friends than we've made. Sometimes I felt like we did everything short of standing on our heads and shooting fireworks out of our asses to please people. Minnesota is not famous, but infamous for its fabled "Minnesota Nice". A phrase that to those in the know generally translates to "passive aggressive". We've made no more than a handful of friends, most from outside of the Twin Cities area; many however, are no more than acquaintances. I even have relatives here. Relatives that I've seen a sum total of 8 times... at least half of those were just because my mother was visiting me.

My husband spent 4 months in school in Florida this past year. In that time he made many friends... more than we had in 10 years here. Friends that he's still in contact with nearly every day. People we know here we sometimes don't hear from for weeks at a time, and usually only if we initiate it. During the 4 months that I was here alone as a temporary single parent? I heard from local people less than a dozen times.

At least folks from the Twin Cities match their climate.

Several months out of the year we spend fighting the artic weather. Believe it or not, I was born and raised in an even harsher climate, North Dakota, but I've had it. I've come to dread doing the basic necessities of life, because it involves going outside. The climate is physically and mentally draining. I've spent 40 years fighting the cold: brutal temperatures, dangerous driving conditions, wear and tear on vehicles and homes, depression from light deprivation, having entirely separate winter wardrobes, cramming all outside activities into a few good months... the list goes on and on.

This past Christmas, our "celebration" meant that out of 36 hours, 10 hours were spent in said dangerous, white-knuckled driving conditions due to winter weather. Here, that can hit anytime between November and April. While people in other parts of the country are walking around in their shirt sleeves enjoying the sun on their face, we're wrapping up in double layers of clothing until only the whites of our eyes show for fear of frostbite. Even in the house or at work, I'm cold all the time. Being cold leads to a ravenous appetite. Of course, the human body, when faced with cold tries to shore up its reserves and store fat. The result? Constantly denying my hunger just to button my pants.

Lonely. Cold. Hungry. Depressed. I'm done. I can't live like this any more.

We really wanted to leave years ago, but we have two kids. Two kids who had been moved around a lot when they were younger. We were determined to stay in one place until our eldest graduated high school. We have a year and a half to go. One more winter to endure.

Looking Ahead

I woke at 6:00am thinking about the day before me.

I've been on PTO (paid time off) since a couple of days before Christmas. Time off that I desperately needed to get my head together again. It wasn't all fun and games, though. Due to work commitments, I thought that I'd have to spend a lot of time working during my "time off." Thankfully, my presence wasn't needed all that much. Today, I'd planned to get up, fire up the laptop, and tackle all of those emails that I'm sure have piled up in Outlook before diving into whatever work had popped up during my absence.

As I lay in bed, warm under the covers in the dark, listening to Avindair's measured breath of slumber, getting out of bed became a much more difficult prospect -- and I began to think. On the precipice of 2009, I thought about the past year. I thought about the year to come. I thought about what I needed and wanted for myself and my family.

I want:
- To put work in its proper place
- To have time for Avindair and I
- To enjoy our children while they are children
- To be supportive of my son
- To be patient with my daughter
- To be in the sun
- To find more joy in life
- Happiness to outweigh sadness
- Certainty to outweigh fear
- Friendship to outweigh lonliness
- To balance work with play
- To balance want to's with must do's
- To see more of the world
- To have the leisure to learn

There's so much uncertainty in the year ahead that may affect all of us with the economy and the political landscape shifting. So much fear and hope in our personal lives with family and work. I'd like to say that I'm looking forward to 2009, but in truth, I'm hesitant about it. I won't make resolutions. I won't make promises. I won't make predictions. There's just too much at stake.

Today is New Year's Eve 2008. Time to put work in its proper place and log in for the last day of the year.

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

A little gift from my favorite Christmas movie, "Love Actually". Enjoy!

Why... So... Serious?

My son as The Joker!

Happy Halloween

A Halloween gift by Edgar Allen Poe...

The Raven
First Published in 1845

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Come on, Fashion Industry. Make up your minds.

Way back in July 2007 I posted a little rant, Size Does Not Make a Difference about women's clothing.

Now I'm seeing with my 11-year-old daughter's clothes.

At the beginning of the summer, I bought SportyGirl a couple of pairs of blue jeans at the Big Red Concentric Circles store. They were the store brand, size 10.

Fast forward to last week. The same size 10 jeans still fit SportyGirl, but they were getting worn out. Not wanting to send my child to school in hole-covered jeans (no matter how much she begs me to let her) we ran to the same store for the same size of the same store brand. Easy-peasy purchase, right?

I took them home, took off the tags, washed them and put them away for the school week. Yesterday she tried to put them on. Couldn't even get them buttoned. They were skin tight. Wuh?

SportyGirl, although she has a great attitude about weight, healthy eating and exercise, still falls prey to the media-hyped fat/skinny thing occasionally. Her eyes started to tear-up. "Am I getting fat?" she said.

I checked the label between the pair she'd been wearing and the pair we'd just purchased just a few months apart. Identical. I held them up together to match the seams. The new "size 10" pants... same brand... same size... same style... were now 2 inches smaller in the waist and legs. TWO INCHES! Her "old" size 10 pants still fit her to perfection. SportyGirl had to move up to a size 12, even though her body had not changed.

Our size-conscious society, keeps telling us to be healthy on one hand, while telling us to be size 2 on the other. There are girls SportyGirl's age (11), who are starving themselves and hurting their bodies to fit into these impossible and unhealthy sterotypes. Most of them aren't going to do a physical comparison of the clothing and think, "The clothing manufacturer changed the sizing." They'll think, "I'm fat. I've got to lose weight."

Yes, I know that one size isn't what matters. I know that the number doesn't matter, but it's a mind game. I've had some clothes for 15 years that fit me nearly the same now as they did then. Yes, I've put on a few pounds over the years, but when a Large from 10 years ago is a roomier fit than an XXL today? There's something wrong.

Maverick

You know, the word "maverick" gets thrown around a lot these days, but what does it really mean? The American Heritage Dictionary has two definitions:

1. An unbranded range animal, especially a calf that has become separated from its mother, traditionally considered the property of the first person who brands it.

2. One that refuses to abide by the dictates of or resists adherence to a group; a dissenter

Since McCain and Palin seem to agree with the Bush administration and the Republican party most of the time, I'm guessing that the second definition is wrong.

The first definition seems much more appropriate.

November 4 can't come soon enough. I'll never be able to watch "Top Gun" again.

BLOCKED!

No, not me. Someone else. Someone I thought was reasonably sane... until politics came up.

I actually blocked someone on my Facebook account.

I expressed my opinions about a certain candidate, as is my right to do, to have her reply, "Puh-leeese." Yes. "Puh-leeese." Much like an eye-rolling 14-year-old. A less than valid argument, I'd hazard to say. So I replied by providing validation for my beliefs. Another reply was given that hit yet another level of rude, sporting opinions that sounded as if they were gleaned from 1 minute of Bill O'Reilly sound bites.

Wanting to demonstrate that I actually make up my own mind based on multiple reputable sources, I refuted her unfounded claims and made a few valid arguments of my own, citing said reputable sources... and even quoting them.

Today, her reply had all the depth and weight of... of... well, the same uninformed rhetoric of the candidate she supports. My sources? Can't cite the New York Times! Can't cite CBS! Thery're left-leaning liberals patsys! Her sources? Guess she doesn't need them. Dirty political ads, frightenenly false email spam, and Rush Limbaugh seem to be proof enough.

So, I had two choices - keep up this ridiculous waste of time where I'd spend precious minutes of my life reading, researching and evaluating before sending back a measured and well thought out response...

... or I could lob one last volley and block this angry, intolerant, uninformed, and most of all rude former co-worker.

I chose the latter.

Bye!

After the Smoke has Cleared

The one and only vice presidential debate for 2008 is over. I didn't need time to parse any of it. Biden was clearly superior in his grasp of policy and articulate in outlining the Obama / Biden ticket.

Palin on the other hand... well... it was the aural and visual equivalent of cotton candy. Much too sweet and no substance.

And that's all I have to say about that.

In Palin's Name

(Many apologies to my Babylon 5-savvy readers out there for the title...)

Just a little progress report on the Palin Planned Parenthood phenomena from The Democratic Daily:

"As of Friday, Planned Parenthood had taken in $802,678 in donations from 31,313 people, said a spokesman for the organization, Tait Sye."

Freakin' sweet.

Al Franken HATES PUPPIES!

The perfect political ad reply to the crap that Norm Coleman's campaign has been shoveling out to the airwaves:

I Pledge to Not be a Dumb-ass

My friend Teresa over at Anomalous Data posted this email she received from the AFA (American Family Association). If you'd like to see it for yourself, you can find it online. Here's the text:

Are you tired of the extremely bias reporting by ABC, NBC and CBS? Do something about it! Tell the networks you are fed up with their attack on conservatives. Join other Americans who are tired of these networks promoting Barack Obama and attacking Sarah Palin. Take the pledge to not watch ABC, NBC or CBS until after the November elections! When the networks lose viewers, they also lose money. If viewers aren’t watching their promotion of Barack Obama and their trashing of Sarah Palin, they are losing money!

Send a message! We are sick and tired of your bias reporting, and we are not going to watch it anymore!
We will keep you informed on the progress of The Viewers’ Pledge.
Results will be given to ABC, NBC, and CBS.
The Viewers Pledge’ simply states, "I pledge not to watch any news programs on ABC, NBC and CBS until after the November elections."

**************************

Brilliant. Let's encourage the voting populace to be sheltered and uninformed. While we're at it, let's tell them to put gum in their ears and stick their heads in the sand. They might as well keep them there after election day.

I made up my own pledge, anyone care to join me?

"I pledge to not blindly believe any more blatant lies or rampant speculation without performing due diligence by fact checking with multiple reputable sources to make up my own mind."

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Best VP Candidate the Republican Party can Offer?

Can anyone in good conscience vote for Sarah Palin? Check out this quote from an Associated Press article in the Star Tribune.

***************************************************************

Asked what other Supreme Court decisions she disagrees with, Alaska's governor couldn't name any.

"Well, let's see. There's, of course, in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, that's never going to be absolute consensus by every American," Palin said. "And there are, those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ...."

Asked again to name a decision she disagreed with, Palin replied: "Well, I could think of, of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a vice president, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today."

***************************************************************

Wow. That many words to actually say, "I don't know squat about the judicial history of the United States."

Excuse me, Governor, is there any valid question to a possible future vice president for which you can offer an intelligent, articulate, straight-forward answer? She's one wrestling pose away from "Idiocracy".

Make Your Opinion on Palin Heard... and Do Some Good

Since Sarah Palin was picked to be McCain's running mate, I've met ONE woman who's expressed support for her. Every other woman I've spoken to has more or less had this to say, "Sarah Palin doesn't represent me!" Someone came up with the brilliant plan that I've agreed to pass along. It's a way of demonstrating our lack of agreement with Sarah Palin's "moral compass" while simultaneously supporting a great organization that Caribou Barbie opposes -- Planned Parenthood. Many thanks to MadBlonde for forwarding this to me! Read on below:

****************************************************************

Instead of (in addition to?) us all sending around more emails about how horrible she is, let's all make a donation to Planned Parenthood in Sarah Palin’s name for reminding us of the importance of protecting our rights for birth control, women’s health and reproductive choice. This is a brilliant idea for $10, or even $5.

And here's the good part: when you make a donation to PP in her name, they'll send her a card telling her that the donation has been made in her honor. Here's the link to the Planned Parenthood website online donation form. [Note from Geek Goddess: I verified that this is the Planned Parenthood donation form.]

There is a short form to fill out that requires your name, address, email address, the name & the address of the person in whose honour you are donating, and you will need a credit card (if you don't have one, or prefer to have the cost come from another source, don't forget that PayPal now can generate a one-use credit card number for you). You must fill out the complete form & be sure to check the "in honour of" box, rather than just using the "donate online" link. If you include her name & address, PP will send an "in Sarah Palin's honor" card to her to let her know of the donation. I suggest you use the address for the McCain campaign headquarters [Note from Geek Goddess: The address below is not "campaign headquarters", but it is the Mid-Atlantic Regional Headquarters in Virginia, which I added to the address.], which is:

McCain for President
[Mid-Atlantic Regional Headquarters]
1235 S. Clark Street, 1st Floor
Arlington , VA 22202

The minimum online donation is $5, but there is also a printable form that you can mail in with a check (for more or even less). C'mon, women (& men)! It's got to be worth a few minutes & a few bucks to make your opinion heard WHERE IT COUNTS.

PS: make sure you use that link above or choose the pulldown of Donate–Honorary or Memorial Donations, not the regular “Donate Online”.

(Please cross post! Email! Spread the word!)

****************************************************

Just so you all know, IT'S WORKING! Here's an article from the Rocky Mountain News in Colorado. This email making its rounds on the Web is making a difference. Donations are pouring in to Planned Parenthood! From the article:

"Sarah Palin is not only anti-abortion but opposes abortion even in the case of rape or incest, a point she hammered home in the 2006 Alaska governor's race by saying she would oppose her daughter getting an abortion if she were raped. She said this month that she wants to overturn the Roe v. Wade decision that legalized abortion, but will work with abortion-rights activists to find common ground on reducing the number of abortions."

This is not a woman I want speaking for me or my daughter in the White House or anywhere else. If you value your rights, put a few bucks where your mouth is, join tens of thousands in peaceful protest, and VOTE, too!

Remembering 9/11 with Jon Stewart

I know it's a few days past 9/11. Doesn't matter. I found this wonderful clip from the Jon Stewart show on Neil Gaimen's journal and had to share it. It's from his first show back on the air after 9/11.

Eat This -- Not That

The other day the kids and I were wandering Target, doing a little shopping. SportyGirl, always looking for ways to be healthy, found this book, Eat This Not That! For Kids! I was a bit skeptical, but after thumbing through the pages (and seeing the lovely discount coupon) decided to pick it up.

To say it was an eye-opener for both the kids and myself would be doing a disservice.

I've been a faithful label reader for many years now, but usually stopped at calories, fat, sodium, fiber and vitamins. I didn't pay all that much attention to sugars in the ingredients.

Since I read this book, I do now... and wow.

I was looking at the ingredients of a very popular granola bar. It's package says that it is 100% natural and an excellent source of whole grain. Natural ingredients don't always mean healthy. Out of the first eight ingredients, FOUR were sugar-based: Sugar (2nd), Honey (6th), Brown Sugar Syrup (7th), High Fructose Corn Syrup (8th).

I'd highly recommend the book. A perfect way for kids to learn to make good, or at least better choices in the world of prepared foods. Lots of pictures, current information and easy to understand. It's realistic about busy American family eating habits. There's a version out there for adults, too. I might just look it up.

Surreality Show

Perhaps the last chapter in the tale of my former boss. Robert Beale has finally been sentenced. James Walsh, writer at the Star Tribune, couldn't have summed it up better, "At his sentencing, Robert Beale alternated between remorse and existential diatribe. He got 11 years to sort things out."

You gotta read it to believe what he said.

Other RB related postings:

Get Used to Wearing Orange
Crazy talk! Crazy talk! Change the subject!
It Couldn't Have Happened to a Nicer Guy

Hello? Is this thing on?

It seems I'm back.

My blog has been down for weeks. Perhaps it was up and down. I got sick of trying to reach it and moved over to Live Journal with a new blog, Rhapsody, Too. Not sure which I'll keep going with now. I've got a lot of history here and it would be a pain to move it or archive it.

Time will tell.

You're Drivin' Me Crazy

Nah. I take that back. Not crazy. I'm actually quite impressed.

Last Saturday, I gave my son, MonkeyDude, his first driving lesson.

A full week before, he'd passed his learner's permit test. We won't have the actual piece of plastic for another couple of weeks. He could have had his permit last year, but we forgot to send him to driver's ed... and he didn't remind us. Driving just wasn't a big deal to him.

Even now, he'll be a junior in high school this fall with a full academic, extra-curricular and social calendar... soon to be adding his first job to the mix. Unfortunately, I'm still going to have to be his chauffeur. He has to have his permit for a full 6 months before moving on to some kind of low-level license with restricted driving privileges. Then another 6 months (I think), before he's allowed to drive for real.

Although he hadn't been in a hurry to drive, and seemed, really, to avoid it for awhile, actually enjoyed himself. He handled himself very well behind the wheel. Listened attentively to my instructions. Knew when he'd made a mistake and corrected for them. Asked good questions.

Granted, we only drove around the big high school parking lot, across one road, into another school parking lot and back, but for a first lesson he did well!

Color me proud.

Neil Gaiman - Storyeller Extraordinaire

I don't know what I haven't done this before now. I just added Neil Gaiman's online journal to my list of blogs. Enjoy!