Marmot Memeage

I stole this from my pal, MagicMarmot. The questions, I mean. The answers are mine, I'm afraid.

1. You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays? I'll pay. He did die for my sins and all. It's the least I could do.

2. You suddenly have to flee the country and adopt an alias. What is it? Oooo... I wanna adopt a Vulcan. They're smart! Oh... wait... an ALIAS.

3. Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently? Can we keep the land an just get rid of the residents?

4. You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try? Running without having to wear an athletic bra!

5. Luke Skywalker or Han Solo? Han, baby. Definitely, Han.

6. Toy you always wanted but never got as a child? A train set. I actually got one, but we had to return it when it didn't work. Psyche!

7. Top three celebrities you wanna do.

1. Antonio Banderas
2. Jason Issacs
3. Hugh Jackman

8. What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other? Cruelty

9. What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you? I honestly don't remember.

10. Stupidest thing you've ever said out loud? I'm sure there have been plenty - I just don't recall.

11. You're sentenced to death and it's the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat? A giant bowl of Tiramisu. Screw the calories!

12. What's something that most people do that you've never done? Drink at high school parties.

13. Before you die you want to go to...? Rome

14. Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do? Travel the world.

15. A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet? A wolf. Scare the crap out of the neighborhood.

16. A drug you'll never try? Anything that's illegal. It's just not my bag, baby.

17. If you were an animal what would you be? A lioness.

18. If you had to marry someone you knew at the age of 12 who would it be? Ick - it wouldn't be Jerry Lee Lewis, THAT'S for certain.

19. What's something most people don't know about you? I'm really a time traveler lost in your dimension.

20. First celebrity crush? Probably Davy Jones from the Monkees.

21. What's a weapon to suit your personality, habits and abilities? A .44 caliber handgun.

23. Favorite breakfast bread style (pancakes, waffles, toast etc...)? Grandma Minnie's homemade biscuits.

24. Favorite parody movie? Galaxy Quest

25. Worst way to die? Drowning

26. Grossest injury you've ever seen? Tony and I went through the '88 Flugtag Airshow disaster. Let's leave it at that.

27. The worst injury you've ever had? Sword wound. No kidding.

28. Favorite thing about thanksgiving? Family time.

29. Sport you hate the most? Big game hunting. Does that count?

30. What city in the U.S. do you want to visit? Boston

31. What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about? History

32. Favorite Actor/Actress? Can't choose - I'm a movie fiend!

33. What's one phrase you absolutely detest? "It's just business."

34. What makes an awesome party? Awesome friends.

35. What's your material obsession? Books

36. What's something most would consider an insult but you like it said about you? GEEK!

37. Favorite kind of dog? Canine

38. Favorite carnival food (everyone has one)? Caramel apple

39. Morning or night person? Morning person on vacation. Night person on weekends.

40. Worst drunken/drugged up habit? When being drunken or drugged up becomes a habit for me, I'll let you know.

41. Weirdest ebay purchase? William Shatner's old toupee. Nah. I seldom purchase anything from eBay. Last thing was a set of movie lights.

42. Favorite food to eat when you're wasted? Probably pizza.

43. Its Saturday at 3am where are you? Sleeping soundly.

44. Who's your favorite friend to go out with? My hubby.

45.Worst job you've ever had? Secretary for the kind of lawyer they created lawyer jokes for.

46. What's something your friends make fun of you for? My friends don't make fun of me. They understand the consequences.

47. Favorite cereal? Rice crispies.

48. Book you could read repeatedly? You're asking a former ENGLISH MAJOR this question? Les Miserables, Wuthering Heights, The Alchemist, there are more...

49. What's the meanest thing you've ever done? Be impatient with my kids.

50. What was your best Halloween costume ever? Elvira-like vampire.

Rhino A$$

That's what I had for lunch today.

No, really.

It was cleverly marketed as "Chinese Chicken Pasta Salad" at The Fancy Grocery Store (tm). You know the one. The grocery store with carpet on the floors, mahogany-stained shelves, and approximately 20,000 kinds of smelly cheese.

In a rush this morning, I decided to pick up lunch there on my way in to the office. There's always something tasty at the deli counter and I was in a hurry. The first thing I spotted was a giant dish of "Chinese Chicken Pasta Salad" covered in crisp Sugar Snap Peas and sweet Mandarin Orange slices. It lacked the "swimming in mayo" look of their other salads and, being on special today, appealed to my cheap-skate sensibilities.

Boy, was I wrong. The only way I can truthfully describe the taste that assaulted my tongue was... rhino ass.

"Perhaps," I foolishly thought, "it's the coffee I just drank or it needs to be mixed up or... or... "

So I took a few more bites. Now it became clear that it was rhino ass with a side of sodium the size of the Great Salt Lake.

Granted, I've never actually indulged in the culinary adventure of rhino ass -- expensive, pretentious rhino ass. But if I ever were to, I would imagine that it would taste exactly like "Chinese Chicken Pasta Salad" from The Fancy Grocery Store(tm).

All in all, I should have had the Clam Juice. Uck.