I've started this blog post at least half-a-dozen times in the last few minutes. My current location has me feeling like one cranky bitch. I'm cold. Cabin crazy. House bound. Hungry. Bored. Light deprived. Lonely. Usually, I hit this point around February. Discontent arrived early this year.
Where am I? I live in the Twin Cities area of Minnesota.
My family and I have lived here 10 years now. We've given this place and these people a decade of our lives. We're still treated like outsiders by the natives. We've lost more friends than we've made. Sometimes I felt like we did everything short of standing on our heads and shooting fireworks out of our asses to please people. Minnesota is not famous, but infamous for its fabled "Minnesota Nice". A phrase that to those in the know generally translates to "passive aggressive". We've made no more than a handful of friends, most from outside of the Twin Cities area; many however, are no more than acquaintances. I even have relatives here. Relatives that I've seen a sum total of 8 times... at least half of those were just because my mother was visiting me.
My husband spent 4 months in school in Florida this past year. In that time he made many friends... more than we had in 10 years here. Friends that he's still in contact with nearly every day. People we know here we sometimes don't hear from for weeks at a time, and usually only if we initiate it. During the 4 months that I was here alone as a temporary single parent? I heard from local people less than a dozen times.
At least folks from the Twin Cities match their climate.
Several months out of the year we spend fighting the artic weather. Believe it or not, I was born and raised in an even harsher climate, North Dakota, but I've had it. I've come to dread doing the basic necessities of life, because it involves going outside. The climate is physically and mentally draining. I've spent 40 years fighting the cold: brutal temperatures, dangerous driving conditions, wear and tear on vehicles and homes, depression from light deprivation, having entirely separate winter wardrobes, cramming all outside activities into a few good months... the list goes on and on.
This past Christmas, our "celebration" meant that out of 36 hours, 10 hours were spent in said dangerous, white-knuckled driving conditions due to winter weather. Here, that can hit anytime between November and April. While people in other parts of the country are walking around in their shirt sleeves enjoying the sun on their face, we're wrapping up in double layers of clothing until only the whites of our eyes show for fear of frostbite. Even in the house or at work, I'm cold all the time. Being cold leads to a ravenous appetite. Of course, the human body, when faced with cold tries to shore up its reserves and store fat. The result? Constantly denying my hunger just to button my pants.
Lonely. Cold. Hungry. Depressed. I'm done. I can't live like this any more.
We really wanted to leave years ago, but we have two kids. Two kids who had been moved around a lot when they were younger. We were determined to stay in one place until our eldest graduated high school. We have a year and a half to go. One more winter to endure.
4 comments:
I know how you feel. All the nice people I thought were my friends have disappeared from my life. My former bff Denise hasn't contacted me in six months. Tony was lucky in Florida, though. He was going to a specialized school that pretty much guaranteed he'd be around people with common interests as his. If you just move to a new town and try to socialize with the locals without some sort of "in", I think it's pretty difficult no matter where you are.
Jillian! So glad you wrote! The last time you called I wrote down your phone number and email address and then commenced to misplace the note I wrote myself. Nice, huh? Please drop me a line at klbruno1966 at yahoo dot com with your info, would you? Now that Tony is home for the kids, it will make it much easier for us to get together. I could use a girl's night out!
I was born in Minnesota, and then moved around a bunch as a kid: Minneapolis>Boston> Dc Suburbs> Chicago, then back to Minnesota as a 9th grader. After high school, spent time in Iowa, France and San Antonio, then back here for Nursing school. I can see that Minnesotans really don't go out of their way to to be sociable to outsiders. The ones who do, are people like me who lived away from the Gopher State and moved back.
One quirk that exists in this state is that Minnesotans have a really hard time laughing at themselves(Garrison Keillor doesn't count, and besides, he's an uptight prick). Case in point, look at the movies Fargo and Drop Dead Gorgeous. How often did you hear people say: "Well, ya know, we don't talk like DAT!"
Actually, of all of the places I have lived, the northern Virginia suburbs north of DC were the worse for me.
I did notice when I worked at United Health Care, that you very, very rarely saw native Minnesotans invite non Minnesotans out for a drink or a good time. Not something I am very proud of.
Nursedude -
Thanks for your comments. It's refreshing to hear from a native Minnesotan who sees what I'm talking about. In addition to friendships, I've seen the non-inclusive behavior in every place I've worked here. My current employer is better, but we have many people in our group from out of state.
I'm guessing that we won't be here much longer. A year... maybe a little more. It saddens me that we have such a bitter attitude towards the place that my children know as their childhood home, but even they aren't considered "from here" by their friends and their friends' parents. My daughter was only 2 years old when we arrived! Both of our kids have plenty of friends, but they are both still considered outsiders.
Thanks for your insights on the DC area. We know several people who live there, and have visited several times, but it's not where we want to end up. We're thinking south and/or west.
Thanks for stopping by, Nursedude! Hopefully my next post won't be as glum!
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